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Thursday, Jan. 03, 2002
For unadulterated hype, snake in the grass slitheryness and outright falsehood, most people would target lawyers or politicians as the leading contenders for profiling.

Naw. Give me a weatherman every time.

It snowed here last night and continues somewhat this morning. And, dependably, the weather prognosticators are living the dream of being in the spotlight yet again.

At six this morning I watched one on television, yardstick in hand, march over to a snowdrift and yelp in glee as it sank to the unheard of depth of 11 inches. Dressed in fashionable winter attire, he proceeded to describe, with great angst and in sonorous tones, the plight afflicting this area.

"We are in the midst of an historic snowfall, a deadly and no doubt costly beginning to this New Year and a blow to efforts in recovering from the recession we are mired in…"

Oh please.

"Snow accumulation continues at this hour with an expected 4 to 12 inches burying the area…"

Which is only slightly less than the amount of bullshit you're accumulating here, pal.

Let's see. If Outfoxed was a weatherman, I'd look out my window, see 3 inches of snow on the table in the backyard (which is one advantage of being a carpenter, measuring 3 to 12 inches by eye from a distance is a cute party trick), note the lack of any falling, and conclude with exacting clarity that 3 inches of snow had fallen, and no more. That insightful judgement would be passed along to may many viewers with about as much enthusiasm as I would reserve for the selection of socks in the morning. Why belabor the obvious?

It would not greatly surprise me to see a weatherman dressed in knickers with a string of flashing lights encircling his head, as he weeped the tragic news that more snow was on the way. Clutching microphone to chest, he would lean into the camera and softly confide "This may be our last hour, my brave friends."

I actually heard one of the desk jockeys describe a live remote from a roadside snow scene as a heroic effort this morning. Then got a belly laugh as they read the actual amount of snowfall in the area.

Uh, three inches. They read it quickly so as not to detract from the drama unfolding in the newsroom, but they let it slip, those actual hard figures. I had thought that perhaps we were dealing with three feet, not three inches. But for the fact that I had eyes and could actually discern for my self that there really wasn't that much out there.

Naturally, they have paralyzed the city and shut down every conceivable business and school with the hyperbole. Since civic leaders seem to take as revealed truth every pearl that drips from the lips of these idiots, all form of life is now expected to follow suit. It is pretty damned irresponsible, if you ask me. Seeing that the Emperor has no clothes, shouldn't we just fess up and go to work?

Or am I just being overly grumpy again?

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