~ . . . there were a helluva lot more things men would do on their own. First time somebody opened a Jiffy Lube, every male within twenty miles either said �Now there�s a helluva failure in the making� or �Damn! And it�s just down the road from the golf course!�

~ . . . the phrase �I wonder if we can smoke in here?� hadn�t been invented yet.

~ . . . we all knew what condoms were, but if a high school guidance counselor had offered a bag of free samples we would have died of embarrassment right on the spot.

~ . . . going to the movies was a big deal, it cost two bucks, and if you didn�t go while it was in theaters you weren�t likely to see it for years thereafter. A big screen was the theater. And a compact disc was the thing you threw out when you were digging holes in the yard. By hand.

~ . . . if someone had asked where your phone was you didn�t start rooting around in your pants pockets. �It�s right over there on the damn wall where it always is, sport! And don�t go calling nobody long distance, neither!�

~ . . . if someone mentioned Spinners and your Car in the same breath, you dug out the 8-Track and listened to Motown.

~ . . . a bush was a shrub. No, wait . . .

~ . . . a young bald man would be viewed with some alarm, and there�d be whispered inquiries about his health. A young bald man with an earring would be dragged off and shot.

~ . . . a woman with a tatoo? A woman with a tatoo?

~ . . . we were waiting for the next Steely Dan album to be released any minute now. Which makes me feel both old and young all at the same time, of course.

~ . . . going dancing meant that you�d better be fairly skilled at doing something other than determinedly thrusting your pelvis toward the east and holding your hands out as if steering a wheelbarrow.

~ . . . on finding that your underwear was exposed while in a public place you would exclaim �Oh shit!� and not �Heh, hot shit eh?�

~ . . . you were expected to be reasonably satisfied with the size of your penis or breasts. Really.

~ . . . disaster relief was something the bartender did after you spilled a beer.

~ . . . if you wanted to read about world events you bought a newspaper. If you wanted to surf, you needed to live by the coast. If you wanted to blog, you dropped $50 for a bag of weed and an Iron Maiden album (and you might have gotten change back).

~ . . . we were coming up on the 200th birthday of a nation, and people tended to feel pretty damn good about that.

~ . . . I was 17 years old, Vietnam was over and the biggest worry in my life was getting the car washed for a big date with the cheerleader girl.

And that, my friends, constitutes very good times indeed.

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