Couple of months ago I added DSL to the computer. Over a year ago, digital cable for the TV. Last Christmas, a new receiver, DVD and surround sound for the stereo.

Today, I link to the stars. The satellite TV antenna is on the roof as we speak. A little guy is up there tweaking it.

Not just any little guy either. This is the husband of one of the gals down at the watering hole. Satellite TV guy, oh yes. Here's the deal. I give him $300, he brings out a satellite receiver and the cool dish thing and some wire and then......I just shut up and watch TV forever. Every channel. Every movie. Everything.

And uhhhhh...I don't get billed for it, ever (is somebody monitoring these entry's?).

Of course, none of my communication devices work exactly right. The DSL line is a short tempered affair, prone to working when it likes and off to the races when it doesn't. Cable TV is, well, you probably already know the answer to that one.

Satellite TV is no exception. First thing to know about this particular setup - there is no real channel lock out. So the equation is 3 teenaged kids + unlimited satellite + no lockout = BRING ON THE PORN!! Which I have little interest in, of course. Not sure about Ally, but...(pause for ducking under the misc. devices flung in my direction).

So now I'll have to pull the control card or the plug or something off the satellite whenever I'm away from home and cart it around in the truck. And God help me if I lose it.

But if anybody wants to watch Mrs. Claus and What the Reindeer Saw, I'm your guy.

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